Never Argue with a Woman

Posts: 2053 · Posted: 02.07.2008, 18:26

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book?' she replies.

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Posts: 2913 · Posted: 02.07.2008, 18:36

ROFLMBOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Dear Rainbow!

That is the best joke I have seen for a long while! (still laughing)

Thank you for contributing it to our party!

Fellow Gentlemen: Her joke amazingly reflects real life, doesn't it?

Your Guru

Posts: 1740 · Posted: 02.07.2008, 19:00

I have to say that is a very good one Laughing

Posts: 510 · Posted: 02.07.2008, 19:53

Great joke Rainbow , I need to read it to my hubby :-)
Im trying to tell him that : even if I am wrong I am still right :-)

Posts: 1100 · Posted: 02.07.2008, 20:34

Posts: 526 · Posted: 02.07.2008, 21:49

Ok I got a good one too for you guys.

The Nun in Hooters

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause! She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?" "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?" "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun. "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Posts: 1740 · Posted: 02.07.2008, 22:12

That is great lmao Laughing

Posts: 2913 · Posted: 03.07.2008, 05:38

Wonderful, my people! We now have a joke page to add to our party festivities!

Your contributions is what is making our Birthday Bash successful!

Great jokes so far!

Slotmom -- I love the LMAO kitties in your post above! Precious!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EVERYBODY!

*Don't just read all the posts. Please respond to them with a post of your own. It will be greatly appreciated and it will also add to your own enjoyment at our party by making you feel more involved in it!

Your Guru

Posts: 510 · Posted: 03.07.2008, 05:54

While the Cat's Away

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's best friend.
They make love for hours and, afterwards, while they're just lying there, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:

"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful.... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh" she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

Posts: 1740 · Posted: 03.07.2008, 06:44

Adult Riddles
Q. What is the difference between a Drug dealer and a Hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe s ex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a Walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh' and 'aaaaaaah'?
A. About three inches.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister i n the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up i n the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch!

OH, don't groan... You know darn well you're going to send this on to somebody.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Posts: 1740 · Posted: 03.07.2008, 06:47

CHINESE SICK LEAVE : 'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!' :

Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work

Today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs

Hurt, I no come work.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really

Need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my

Wife and tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything

Better and I go to work.. You try that.'
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You

Say and I feel Great. I be at work soon.........

You got Nice house

Posts: 526 · Posted: 03.07.2008, 13:28

hehe, I love these jokes.

BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, OR DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY.

Charlotte , North Carolina

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured

them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars

and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy

the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.'

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that

the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued and WON!

(Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that

the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer

held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars

were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against

fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was

obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance

company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his

loss of the cigars lost in the 'fires'.

NOW F OR THE BEST PART..

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 m onths in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest!!!

ONLY IN AMERICA----NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS !!!

Posts: 526 · Posted: 03.07.2008, 13:30

here is another one.

Fall-Down Drunk > > A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the> absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.> "Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the> man as he crawled outside. He tried to stand up again, but> fell face first into the mud. "Screw it," he> thought. "I'll just crawl home." The next> morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.> "You went out drinking last night, didn't> you?" she said. "Uh, yes," he said> sheepishly. "How did you know?" "You left> your wheelchair at the bar again."

I get all these from my sister in-law and my cousin. I will look through my inbox for some more.

Posts: 2053 · Posted: 03.07.2008, 15:49

wow !!!!!!!!!!!! look at all these great jokes, what awesome members we have here Smile

Posts: 654 · Posted: 03.07.2008, 20:48

I can tell you guys are selecting only the very best to post here.

Just like Poker-Crushers in every way! Only the best!